Friday, August 13, 2010

Who's zoomin who?

For some time now, a certain member of the entertainment industry has been insinuating she bears a resemblance to Mimi. We must admit we're flattered, since this particular individual is regarded as an icon, and cuts quite the dashing figure. In fact, she has a reputation for being an original too! We also think she has rather a nice voice.

Let's face it, everyone wants to have the flash ... the style ... the smooth fur ... the unmistakeable Tortitude that is Mimi.

To be spoiled, indulged, in every whim ... fussed over ... coddled ... showered with tuna and whitefish. Oh, the extravagance of it. A life only some of us can ever aspire to.

And to be sure, there is an unmistakeable likeness. Especially after one too many rolls in the catnip.

But now, another member of this same industry is brazenly, publicly, claiming to have an uncanny likeness ... nay, to be the heir apparent ... to the timeless, inimitable look, elan and talent that is Mimi. This ... creature ... has gone so far as to have bribed the editorial staff -- yes, and the advertisers too, for we know how cheaply their souls can be bought -- of a fashion magazine named, let's say, oh, Bizarre. And then, with the help of various costly wardrobe, makeup and lighting professionals, taken some of Mimi's classic photos and yes, we can say, MIMIcked them.

Oh, foolish, misguided, delusional clutcher of feeble hope. May we recommend a script of strong antipsychotic and perhaps REALITY?

We know there is only one Mimi. Others may claw at her reputation and vie for her appeal but they are doomed to ... cry themselves a river.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Can kosher cats get the swine flu?

Being a kosher cat, Farfel hasn’t been too worried about the swine flu. If you don’t eat swine, what’s the big whoop? Plus he’s well under 65, not pregnant, with no underlying health conditions (the delicate Hebrew kishkes don’t count here).

Then Farfel made the mistake of watching Larry King interview some epidemiologist who warned the apocalypse was coming unless you got your swine flu shot. Farfel changed the channel but got a live feed about swine flu deaths in the eastern highlands of western New Guinea. Then he picked up the paper and read that you had to be a high-paid athlete or on the board of a big hospital to get a swine flu shot.

Farfel started sweating. Dying from the swine flu was bad – but getting a needle?! You have to know that as a professional cat, Farfel despises any kind of needle. Even though he suspected his friendly neighbourhood veterinarian doesn’t have access to the swine flu, let alone the adjuvant. What to do, what to do?

And though he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, it didn’t take Farfel long to figure out how to avoid the whole damn thing. He’s turned off the tv, the radio, isn’t reading the newspaper and is staying away from the water cooler at the office.

Ignorance is bliss. And healthy.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Make history = get a Nobel?

My cousin, Commander, pictured here, would like to know why he was shut out for a Nobel. After all, as the first Foreign Burmese to win Best Cat in Canada 2007-2008, he made history!!

A Supreme Grand Master Champion no less, he brokered peace with the Abyssinian and Japanese Bob-tail that rode up to the top with him.

"After all," Commander was said to have offered magnanimously, "We short-hair breeds have to stick together."

And yet, no Nobel peace prize? Just because he's a cat? Oh, come on.

It's not easy to win best Cat in Canada. Usually it's some fluffy long-hair type, like those lackadaisical Persians or sluggish Maine Coons ... they just flop around and get all kinds of ribbons.

Not cousin Commander... he had to noogie those judges but good ... get the head tilt just right (see photo above) ... strike pose after pose while looking like he didn't give a damn ... and of course, sire a few kittens in what little spare time he had. Now, that may all sound like fun and games, but it's serious work.

And no Nobel? That's just plain wrong. Unless there's a big trophy and a big cheque heading his way, Commander may. just. retire.

p.s. see