Let's get one thing straight -- when Mimi swats me on the head, I swat her right back. And when she whacks Farfel, he whacks her right back. Just because she's a girl, she doesn't get special treatment. She can dish it out, and she can take it.
That's the way it is with cats. A smack in the face equals a smack in the face back.
But we only let the fur fly for so long. It's infinitely more enjoyable to play. Or sleep, or eat, or clean behind our ears. Farfel especially likes to clean Mimi's ears, even if she's been beating up on him.
Because as Abraham Lincoln observed, "no matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."
I prefer my version of the Big Three....
What's all this fuss about unity? This has never been an issue with my colleagues. Not only do we stand united on most fronts -- the bed, the couch, the linen cupboard -- we sleep united as well.
In fact, we agree on the most important subjects -- canned cat food twice a day, cat candy in the morning, catnip at night, and everyone gets a turn on the heating vent.
And there's enough room in the cat bed for all of us.
Coronations? Those are for cat shows. It's more fun to party together, eat together, and sleep together.
And warmer, too...
Would Stephen Harper climb a tree for you? I would. Does Stephane Dion wash between his toes? I do, at least once a day.
These are the qualities you should look for in a leader. The willingness to serve in many ways. And keep it clean. I’ve held national office as Best Foreign Burmese in Canada, 2007 to 2008. I know what it’s like to serve (and entertain) the public.
I call myself a DemoCat because power belongs to the people. Not just because people know how to open a can of tuna, but because they’re also good to sleep with.
I mean, can you imagine Jack Layton catching a mousie? You deserve a leader who can keep pests under control.
And that would be me, Anschel. Your local neighbourhood DemoCat.
photo by Brennan O'Connor, Mississauga News
This good-looking fellow is another member of my posse. His name is Farfel, and he's a cream shaded silver tipped Burmilla. What? You don't know what a Burmilla is? That's a hybrid of Foreign Burmese cat and Chinchilla Persian cat. And in 2002, Farfel was the best Burmilla in Canada.
In this photo, Farfel is getting ready for Passover by making sure he gets every bit of chametz. What? You don't know what chametz is? That's Hebrew for breadcrumb, and during Passover, your house must be absolutely devoid of any bread. Since Farfel is a good Jewish cat, he's even checking his toes for the stuff.
Mind you, Farfel didn't always know he was Jewish. Born in an Irish cattery, it wasn't until Farfel was four years old that he became aware of his Hebrew roots. He discovered how much he loved gefilte fish, chopped liver, and whitefish. And like me, Farfel's not just a professional cat, but an over-achieving professional cat. With a nasty tendency to develop colitis, a sure giveaway of Hebrew kishkes. Neither of us work during Shabbat; we make a point of sleeping through the day.
Who knew? Apparently, it happens in the best of families...
Behind every great cat, there is another. In my case, there are a couple.
Meet Mimi, a champagne tortie Foreign Burmese.
She is, without a doubt, the smartest cat in the world. And here's why:
Although she is a former champion showcat, Mimi has never really worked a day in her life, and has no visible means of income. Yet ...
1. She has a fur coat. She is very proud of it, wears it all the time, even sleeps in it.
2. She maintains a special diet, available only at selected retail outlets.
3. Although she has had two litters of kittens, and is 11 years old -- that's the human equivalent of about 70 to 75 years old, she is as svelte and smooth as a little mink.
4. She enjoys the company of two handsome younger males, myself and Farfel. Both of us will defer to her in a heartbeat. She's just too smart!
5. Every Friday, she shares a meal of the finest poached salmon available at St. Lawrence Market with She-Who-Feeds-Me.
6. She never has to vacuum, wash dishes, or clean up Farfel's barfies.
7. She gets to sleep about 20 hours a day.
8. Really, her main responsibility is deigning to have her photograph taken.
Somebody once said, that cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. In other words, cats have a knack for getting in the way.
My own personal favourite is getting in the way of this very computer screen. How delicious to block the view with my own cat body! To plunk all 13-1/2 pounds of me strategically between the monitor and the keyboard. In a sitting position, squinting quizzically. What's not to love?!
Timing, of course, is everything. I personally like to sit in the freshly laundered bedsheets while they're still in the laundry basket. This means I get to enjoy them before anyone else! And of course, makes getting them out of the basket and on to the bed that much more difficult. Sweet!
Then there's that whole newspaper thing. What good is a newspaper if you can't dive into it and make those juicy crunchy and ripping sounds? This works best on those sections of the newspaper that haven't been read yet.
I hope you're taking notes ...
Greetings. I'd like to welcome you to my blog.
Although you could consider me to be a professional cat (#1 Foreign Burmese in Canada 2007-2008), I don't have a publicist. Darn. So, I'm taking paw to computer. She-Who-Feeds-Me will never know!
But let's get serious. I've come to some important decisions in the past couple of weeks. All these elections going on, and let's face it, all the candidates suck. So, I'm going to run for Prime Minister!! I've been watching CNN and I can see it doesn't take much to get nominated for office.
Here's my platform ...
Economic development:
1. Salmon farms … everywhere!
2. New – Ministry of Turkey and Chicken (With Gravy)
3. Mousie-generated energy turbines
International trade:
1. South Pacific tuna fisheries
2. French catnip exchange
3. New Jersey dairy import
Health and wellbeing:
1. Compulsory catnaps and stretching exercises
2. Good grooming begins in kindergarten
3. Affordable and LOVING homes for everyone!
Let's get one thing straight -- when Mimi swats me on the head, I swat her right back. And when she whacks Farfel, he whacks her right back. Just because she's a girl, she doesn't get special treatment. She can dish it out, and she can take it.
